Forgive me. This is going to be a bit of a introspective piece; a vulnerable look at the fleshy underbelly of my profession. Winter provides much time for reflection; generally too much. Over long cold dark days spent largely alone except for when D walks in the door in the evenings {and he’s never much in the mood for long chats after herding a gaggle of 1st graders all day}, I tend to find myself wading around in my own head, over thinking just about everything.

Recently I’ve been amuck with anxiety that I’m not keeping up with the omnipresent “Jones”. In the world of artful floral design, where the big hitters like Ariella, Kate, and Nicolette are routinely churning out yet another jaw-dropping affair or workshop, and where the well-rounded artistes like Sarah, Amy and the duo behind The Flower Coalition break your heart with every new photo and blog post, it’s hard to feel content with your own efforts by times.

For example, this winter it feels like everyone in the industry is getting a new website. So did I. I’ve been working on my site re-design for nearly three years. It takes that long when you only have a precious few short months each winter to get your ducks in a row. While a bit too drawn out for my general “gett’er done” attitude, I was quite pleased with the rendering process overall that’s created a new online home for my little flower farm. That was, until I realized there were going to be several other new sparkly floral designer sites launching this winter too. It was reason to pause. To worry that mine would not pass snuff. That people would think I’m a copycat. I shook it off, but the reality is that those doubts did enter my mind.
On the surface, I bet you’d presume floral designing is one of the most beautiful professions out there {and it is, by times}. But it’s also a rat race, just like any other: to compete with your competitors, to reach the next milestone, to not buckle under past successes, to be a trendsetter and not a follower. Always a trendsetter! I don’t say all of this to shatter the rose colored pressed glass vase. It’s actually meant to make what we do in the flower world more approachable. Designing and inspiring on a daily basis are daunting tasks. I think there are a lot of us in the profession who feel the heavy weight of “expectation”. Floral designers can be plagued with self-doubt and moodiness. We’re an artistic bunch, after all.
I’ve been doing a lot of soul house-cleaning this winter, reading a few too many motivational books probably. I was left a bit tatter and frayed by the 2012 season, running to keep up with the cool kids. And while it was amazing to be able to share the flowers from the farm with so many couples {over 70 in nine months!} and their guests, it kept me away more than I wanted from what I really love: flower farming and focusing on truly creative projects that showcase the beauty of committing to a locally grown and seasonal bounty.
Don’t get me wrong — I wouldn’t trade the successes of 2012 and all those happy clients for the world. I just want to get back to focusing on what makes Love ‘n Fresh {me, actually} unique. And to stop struggling with self doubt, worrying about who’s doing what and if I’m on track to do the same or better, anxious to book more and more events.
My gut got me here. I see no reason to not keep following it. I’ll find my own definition of success, while still admiring my flower heroes. Spring is always a chance for a fresh start!